tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-357758042024-03-14T09:18:25.462-04:00Hustla of CultchaYou are free to come and go. Or talk like Kurtis Blow.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-64401183362562236332007-02-21T19:38:00.000-05:002007-02-21T21:31:21.043-05:00Abraham Lincoln or Kathy Griffin?<div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCFRHGsV1SBMvdZ3_lkcw-t5BRlS9UtIMxmvFVERE9RPsM5cfMPTshVnteSe0A2jXReI59Ly2KtXHDbCmcfdGXUPhBe6yzihACqEsMlebQedvxXhcTlTtzlVuBWERUbS7d8AYE3w/s1600-h/lincoln1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 138px; height: 173px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCFRHGsV1SBMvdZ3_lkcw-t5BRlS9UtIMxmvFVERE9RPsM5cfMPTshVnteSe0A2jXReI59Ly2KtXHDbCmcfdGXUPhBe6yzihACqEsMlebQedvxXhcTlTtzlVuBWERUbS7d8AYE3w/s320/lincoln1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5034179172580983506" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjv_hlLMpC7okBDBAweg29Fei3ssSdypaOkqZXe0iV2_MVKpzPLv_phMzimH4wbKm67S2Gp4VbNHMReBq6QBmqpPojb5TdFpQxesey3mzz_hD0BBFUUJl5np0eq-oqJw9esmY6uA/s1600-h/90_kathy_griffin.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 135px; height: 223px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjv_hlLMpC7okBDBAweg29Fei3ssSdypaOkqZXe0iV2_MVKpzPLv_phMzimH4wbKm67S2Gp4VbNHMReBq6QBmqpPojb5TdFpQxesey3mzz_hD0BBFUUJl5np0eq-oqJw9esmY6uA/s320/90_kathy_griffin.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5034179451753857762" border="0" /></a><ol><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><li>But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.</li><li>Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it.</li><li>Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.</li><li>The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew. We must disenthrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country.</li><li>I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown.</li><li>I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men.</li><li>The probability that we may fall in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just; it shall not deter me</li><li>Leave nothing for tomorrow which can be done today.</li><li>I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable. </li><li>Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.</li><li>Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.</li><li>Whenever I hear any one arguing for slavery I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.</li><li>At what point shall we expect the approach of danger? By what means shall we fortify against it? Shall we expect some transatlantic military giant, to step the Ocean, and crush us at a blow? Never! All the armies of Europe, Asia and Africa combined, with all the treasure of the earth (our own excepted) in their military chest; with a Buonaparte for a commander, could not by force, take a drink from the Ohio, or make a track on the Blue Ridge, in a trial of a thousand years. At what point, then, is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, if it ever reach us it must spring up amongst us. It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide.</li><li>I can be 5 feet from Christina Aguilera, for example - we've worked together many times - and she will not even look at me.</li><li>I love dirt of all kinds. All dirt is clean. There's no such thing as filthy dirt.</li><li>I do road gigs occasionally but I don't want to go out on the road for months at a time.</li><li>A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure permanently half-slave and half-free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved - I do not expect the house to fall - but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other.</li><li><span class="body">Whenever I get a new pair of pants, they have to be hemmed like two feet!</span> </li><li>To state the question more directly, are all the laws, but one, to go unexecuted, and the government itself go to pieces, lest that one be violated? Even in such a case, would not the official oath be broken, if the government should be overthrown, when it was believed that disregarding the single law, would tend to preserve it? But it was not believed that this question was presented. It was not believed that any law was violated. The provision of the Constitution that 'The privilege of the writ of habeas corpus, shall not be suspended unless when, in cases of rebellion or invasion, the public safety may require it,' is equivalent to a provision---is a provision---that such privilege may be suspended when, in cases of rebellion, or invasion, the public safety does require it. It was decided that we have a case of rebellion, and that the public safety does require the qualified suspension of the privilege of the writ which was authorized to be made.<br /></li><li><span class="body">That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.</span> </li></ol> <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"> </span><span class="body" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-32011116900535754592007-02-03T09:28:00.000-05:002007-02-03T10:37:01.429-05:00Pop Cultural Euphemisms for Masturbation and/or Bowel Movements<ol><li>indicting Scooter Libby</li><li>sending another potential American Idol to Hollywood</li><li>ridin' dirty</li><li>checking in with Wolf Blitzer in the Situation Room</li><li>TiVo-ing "Ugly Betty"</li><li>posting to my blog</li><li>test-firing a Taepodong 2 missile in North Korea</li><li>moving <span style="font-style: italic;">Little Miss Sunshine</span> to the top of my Netflix queue</li><li>Googling myself</li><li>dropping my new single<br /></li><li>conducting another uncomfortable interview with Dick Cheney<br /></li><li>opening up to Dr. Phil</li><li>sending junk mail to my Spam folder<br /></li><li>considering having Diddy produce my new album</li><li>shrugging off global warming</li></ol>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-91327270279635007032007-01-19T21:20:00.000-05:002007-01-19T21:28:31.124-05:00not the TRACK LISTING OF BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN'S FORTHCOMING CD<ol><li>Blame it on the Night Sky</li><li>Tellin' Lies</li><li>We Can't Go On Like This<br /></li><li>Wonderin' How You Been</li><li>Topeka</li><li>Listenin' to Your Heart</li><li>These Dusty Dirt Roads</li><li>Empty Mill Town</li><li>My Boardwalk Girl</li><li> Lost Voice in the Coal Mine</li><li>Sally, Don't You Break This Heart</li><li>I Think We're Gonna Make It<br /></li></ol>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-63774372439476903972007-01-14T23:57:00.000-05:002007-01-15T10:23:17.220-05:00Cultural Irony and/or Coincidence #6: The Veruca Salt Circle of LifeOkay. Follow me here:<br /><ol><li>The band They Might be Giants got their name from a 1971 film called <span style="font-style: italic;">They Might be Giants</span>, starring George C. Scott and Joanne Woodward.</li><li>In 1986, They Might Be Giants released their song, "We're the Replacements," which was a tongue-in-cheek tribute to the '80s band The Replacements.</li><li>Strangely, the next year The Replacements released their song "Alex Chilton," another tribute-- but this time to the lead singer of the influential '70s group Big Star.</li><li>On their 1972 album <span style="font-style: italic;">#1 Record</span>, Big Star had a song called "Thirteen," which featured the lyric, "Won't you tell your dad get off my back/ Tell him what we said 'bout 'Paint It, Black'." This was a reference to the Rolling Stones song "Paint It, Black," which was released in 1966.</li><li>Interestingly, Bob Dylan released his critically acclaimed hit "Like a Rolling Stone" a year before--in 1965. A reference to the band? Of course.</li><li>Keeping the string of connections going strong, David Bowie released "Song for Bob Dylan" in 1971.</li><li>Then, on their 1997 album <span style="font-style: italic;">Eight Arms to Hold You</span>, flash-in-the-pan alternative band Veruca Salt featured the song "With David Bowie".</li><li>Veruca Salt got their name from a character in Roald Dahl's novel <span style="font-style: italic;">Charlie and the Chocolate Factory</span>. </li><li>This was made into the movie <span style="font-style: italic;">Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory</span>, which was released in 1971--the same year as <span style="font-style: italic;">They Might Be Giants</span>.</li></ol>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-66490619071040402062007-01-10T20:57:00.000-05:002007-01-10T22:51:55.160-05:00Best of 2007: A Preemptive RetrospectiveI woke up this morning to a new dawn: 2007 had arrived! Seems like just a week and a half ago I had downed my New Year's Eve keg of Ambien, Lunesta, and Jagermeister cocktail before going to bed. But here it is: 2007 and a full bladder.<br /><br />I feel bad about going straight from Christmas musings to a week and a half into the new year; I didn't give 2006 a proper looking back. Well, that's not going to happen in 2007. As a matter of fact, I'm going to go ahead and do my Best of 2007 Lists now so I don't forget them once late December (and its tempting sedatives!) comes around.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Best Album of the Year</span><br /><br />Britney Spears, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Grant Sessions</span><br /><br />In an effort to undo 2006's Shavenvagina-gate and return to her jail-bait innocence days, Spears did the unthinkable (easy for her) by doing an entire album of Amy Grant covers. Spears not only took on the early '90s mainstream radio Grant (in a stroke of fortune, Peter Cetera was available for another duet!) but also the late '80s Christian pop Grant. With L'il Jon on the mixing boards, "El Shaddai" never sounded so tight. (Download this: "Baby, Baby (Hit Me One More Time...Again)")<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Best Film of the Year</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Oceans 1</span><br /><br />Steven Soderburgh reclaims his reputation as <span style="font-style: italic;">avant garde</span> film-maker with this look back at the origin of his Oceans series (hey, it worked with <span style="font-style: italic;">Dumb and Dumberer</span>, right?). In this first installment, young Danny Ocean (Topher Grace) does a one-man stage show, ranting on the joys and frustrations of small-time robbery. Hip music, stylized tinted lenses, shaky hand-held camera work, and a <span style="font-style: italic;">Wonder-Years</span>-esque voice-over by George Clooney made this film a shoe-in for Oscar buzz.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Best Song of the Year</span><br /><br />"Do They Know it's Christmas? (2007)"<br /><br />Only Phil Collins and Bananarama returned for this remake of the 1984 politically and socially charged original. Instead of taking on apartheid in Africa, the new version focuses its attention (and proceeds) on a more contemporary issue: Mexican immigration. But because most Mexican immigrants are Catholic, most actually do know it's Christmas. To counter this, the chorus was changed to "Do they know it's Christmas time at all?...Yes." Still: in a year of tired emo-hip-pop, this was the best song of the year.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Best TV Show of the Year</span><br /><br />As all network and cable stations shut down early in 2007, the best "TV show" was found--surprise, surprise--on the internet. No description can do this show justice. You have to see it (again!) for yourself: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysdfncwDaCo">Best TV Show of the Year</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-12647096931330065832006-12-21T07:15:00.000-05:002006-12-21T14:03:02.530-05:00Misheard Lyrics!...Christmas Edition!When you're standing around the piano, pouring eggnog down your gullet while you sing Christmas carols, it's pret-ty amusing the kinds of things that can come out of your mouth--before the spiced, milky vomit, I mean. And it's even worse when there's other people there as well. You hear things like, "That's not how the song goes, you communist!" Or, "You're going to rot in hell for that!" Or, "Who invited Frosty the Retard to our party?" Or, "You've got an eggnog bubble coming out of your left nostril." Or even, "That's the sickest, most perverted version of 'Silent Night' I've ever heard. I'm so hot for you right now."<br /><br />Anywho. Here are a few examples of Christmas lyrics I get wrong every year!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1.<br /><br />Real Lyrics: </span>"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen..." <span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">(Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer)</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Misheard Lyrics: </span>"You know Ted Danson the Dancer goes pantsing with Nixon, Vomit and Stupid and Boner and Shitzen..."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Real Lyrics: </span>"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,/ Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh." <span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">(Jingle Bells)</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />Misheard Lyrics: </span>"Taco Bell, Taco Bell, Taco Bell's new Stuffed Gordito Burrito/ Oh what fun it is to eat when the drive-thru stays open late."<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />3.<br /><br />Real Lyrics: </span>"We're gliding along with a song of a wintery fairy land." <span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">(Sleigh Ride)</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Misheard Lyrics: </span>"We're gliding along with a song in a slippery fanny land."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4.<br /><br />Real Lyrics: </span><span>"Deck the halls with boughs of holly/ Fa la la la la, la la la la" <span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">(Deck the Halls)</span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />Misheard Lyrics: </span><span>"Smack my balls with bowls of barley/ Yum yum yum yum yum, hee hee hee hee."</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />5.<br /><br />Real Lyrics:</span> Unknown <span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">("Angels We Have Heard on High")</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Misheard Lyrics:</span> "O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oreo, in eggshells with mayo!"<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:180%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Merry Christmas, everyone! From all of us here at Hustla of Cultcha to you and yours!</span></span><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-5498653164853540002006-12-18T17:46:00.000-05:002006-12-29T20:41:22.581-05:00Cultural/Musical Time Capsule 2006The overwhelming response on country radio in 2003 after Dixie Chick Natalie Maines publicly denounced President Bush in concert was, "Shut up and sing." There was some bizarre expectation that musicians were not supposed to be political, or if they were political, it was not supposed to be critical. In 2006, The Dixie Chicks came back with their song "Not Ready to Make Nice"; here's a snippet:<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" > I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,<br />With no regrets and I don't mind saying,<br />It's a sad sad story<br />That a mother will teach her daughter<br />that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.<br />And how in the world<br />Can the words that I said<br />Send somebody so over the edge<br />That they'd write me a letter<br />Saying that I better shut up and sing<br />Or my life will be over</span><br /><br />Rock music since the Dixie Chicks incident in 2003 has been even more vocal about its distaste for our government's policies. This year, more than ever, musicians have spoken out about our involvement in the Middle East, the government's response to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, and the Bush administration's problematic God-in-a-box approach to the world. Here are some highlights from 2006--in no particular order.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />1. Road to Peace, Tom Waits. </span>Uncharacteristically overtly political for Waits. A criticism, in particular, of the U.S. support of Israel in its military conflict with Palestine.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" ><br />Once Kissinger said "we have no friends, America only has interests"<br />Now our president wants to be seen as a hero and he's hungry for re-election<br />But Bush is reluctant to risk his future in the fear of his political failures<br />So he plays chess at his desk and poses for the press 10,000 miles from the road to peace</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. The River in Reverse, Elvis Costello and Allen Toussaint. </span>Along with "Broken Promise Land," this song is a response to the situation in New Orleans post-Katrina. (Toussaint himself is from New Orleans.)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"> So count your blessings when they ask permission</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> To govern with money and superstition</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> They tell you it's all for your own protection</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> 'Til you fear your own reflection</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> But the times are passing from illumination</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Like bodies falling from a constellation</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> An uncivil war divides the nation</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> So erase the tape on that final ape running down creation</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Running down creation</span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 85);font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;" ></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. Power Doesn't Run on Nothing, The Thermals. </span>The Thermals 2006 album <span style="font-style: italic;">The Blood, the Body, and The Machine</span> is a concept album (often compared to Green Day's <span style="font-style: italic;">American Idiot</span>) that imagines America in some kind of fanatic, apocalyptic, religious battle. Lead singer Hutch Harris said he tried to write many of the songs in the point of view of Dick Cheney.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">They'll give us what we're asking for</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Because our God is with us</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And our God is the richest</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. Impeach the President, Neil Young. </span>Young's <span style="font-style: italic;">Living with War</span> album is not the most subtle critique of our current administration. See below for an example of his candor:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >Let's impeach the president<br />For hijacking our religion and using it to get elected<br />Dividing our country into colors<br />And still leaving black people neglected</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5. The President's Dead, Okkervil River. </span> Not as incendiary as the title suggests. As the passage below illustrates, if the president died, it wouldn't really be a happy day. The rest of the song is more about self-reflection than political commentary.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" > He's lying face down with his black-dressed agents<br />Guns drawn running around and the early Obits<br />Say he was a good man, you can't argue with that<br />Not today you can't, not now you can't.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">6. Wartime Prayers, Paul Simon. </span>A bit of sentimentality in your protest.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Prayers offered in times of peace are silent conversations,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Appeals for love or love's release</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> In private invocations</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> But all that is changed now,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Gone like a memory from the day before the fires.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> People hungry for the voice of God</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Hear lunatics and liars</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Wartime prayers, wartime prayers</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> In every language spoken,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> For every family scattered and broken.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7. I Will See You in Far Off Places, Morrissey. </span><span>On Morrissey's <span style="font-style: italic;">You are the Quarry</span> album, he had a song called "America is not the World," which was obviously a criticism of our recent (at the time) attack on Iraq. In his new album, there are traces of this same sentiment, but they're mostly tongue-in-cheek, like this line:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"> If your god bestows protection upon you</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> And if the USA doesn't bomb you</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> I believe I will see you somewhere safe</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Looking to the camera, messing around</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> and pulling faces.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">8. Take a Bow, The Muse. </span><span>From another anti-Bush concept album. This one is a bit too angry for me to take seriously (especially when the song angrily declares that Bush will burn in hell for what he's done--whoa there! see Okkervil River for a reality check).</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;" > Corrupt<br />You're corrupt<br />Bring corruption to all that you touch<br />Hold<br />You behold<br />And beholden for all that you've done<br />And spin<br />Cast a spell<br />Cast a spell on the country you run<br />And risk<br />You will risk<br />You will risk all their lives and their souls</span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" ><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />9. Head (Of State), The Coup. </span><span>A very funny and clever hip-hop take on the modern history of the relationship between Iraq and the U.S. A later song on the album is titled "Babyletshaveababybeforebushdosomethingcrazy."</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Bush and Hussein together in bed</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Giving H-E-A-D head</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Y'all motherfuckers heard what we said</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Billions made and millions dead</span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />10. Harrowdown Hill, Thom Yorke. </span><span>After I heard a rumor about the meaning behind this song, I did some Googling and sure enough, this is Yorke responding to the controversial death of Dr. David Kelly, who died in 2003 after raising questions about Iraq's possession of WMDs. Yorke's song seems to suggest that the government silenced Kelly for uncovering the truth.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><pre><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:georgia;" >Don't walk the plank like I did</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:georgia;" >You will be dispensed with</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:georgia;" >When you've become inconvenient</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:georgia;" >In the Harrowdown Hill</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:georgia;" >Where you went to school</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:georgia;" >That's where I am</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:georgia;" >That's where I'm lying down</span></pre><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" ></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-23711187338494640362006-12-09T09:40:00.000-05:002006-12-09T19:43:26.445-05:00...And a Partridge in a Pear Tree'Tis the season for lists--from a child's <a href="http://www.christmaswishlist.net/">Christmas wish list</a> to Santa's own list of who's been <a href="http://www.peteykins.com/sparklepony/Rumsfeld60105b.jpg">bad</a> and who's been <a href="http://cache.defamer.com/assets/resources/2006/11/britney-spears-upskirt.jpg">good</a>, from Maria's list of "a few of [her] favorite things" to the ridiculous catalog of gifts the "true love" gives on each of the consecutive 12 days of Christmas. (And you <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">know</span> this time of year every <a href="http://mrstinkyhair.vox.com/library/post/merry-listmas.html">schmo with a blog</a> will be gracing our lives with his end-of-year lists.)<br /><br />Here's another list--this one from <a href="http://family.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/family.cfg/php/enduser/std_adp.php?p_faqid=945">Focus on the Family's late '80s investigation of the 2 Live Crew album, <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">As Nasty As They Wanna Be</span></a>. God bless James Dobson and his crack team of morality police for listening to this album over and over and over again to identify and classify the following motifs:<br /><span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,Geneva;"><ul><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">226 uses of the f-word</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">117 explicit terms for male or female genitalia</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">87 descriptions of oral sex</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">163 uses of the word for female dog</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">15 uses of ho (slang for whore) when referring to women</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">81 uses of the vulgarity s--t</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">42 uses of the word ass</span><span onmouseup="" class="on" onmousedown="CheckFormatting(event);FormatbarButton('richeditorframe', this, 8);ButtonMouseDown(this);" id="formatbar_CreateLink" onmouseover="ButtonHoverOn(this);" title="Link" style="DISPLAY: block" onmouseout="ButtonHoverOff(this);"></span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">9 descriptions of male ejaculation</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">6 references to erections</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">4 descriptions of group sex</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">3 mentions of rimming (oral/anal sex)</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">2 inclusions of urination or feces</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">1 reference to incest</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">over 12 illustrations of violent sex</span></li></ul><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-43153813937106610322006-12-02T12:02:00.000-05:002006-12-09T10:34:07.650-05:00Celebrities...They're Just Like Us!With all the recent fuss over the TomKat wedding and the K-Fed/Britney break-up (and subsequent Britney/Paris partygirl shenanigans), I think it's important for all of us to stop, take a second, and remind ourselves: these people are just regular human beings, like us. They pay bills, they have nightmares, they pick their eye-boogers in the morning, they love the smell of a puppy's breath, they like long walks on the beach, they like sipping hot cocoa on snowy nights, and <strong>THEY POOP</strong>-- just like you and me!<br /><br />To make this point clearer, the Hustla of Cultcha team has sent spies to the homes of various celebrities to collect samples of their feces. Celebrities: they poop--just like us!<br /><br /><div><div><div><div><div>1. Here's some of Tom Cruise's crazy poo:<br /></div></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNiJdfiWxAyCNJ-DZtWOcjfrNfywnPegemlvxr5pR0-0wMB_pr1Y-rMsvNL9upQqQ7EKCV2aizlWih2LwpYdnLutV8VKCA6-DQNrjJIl_9LeaIyh9lC8wTr65JXAaSqQkTtb5-yA/s1600-h/gold+bars.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5003981297829708578" style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; float: left;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNiJdfiWxAyCNJ-DZtWOcjfrNfywnPegemlvxr5pR0-0wMB_pr1Y-rMsvNL9upQqQ7EKCV2aizlWih2LwpYdnLutV8VKCA6-DQNrjJIl_9LeaIyh9lC8wTr65JXAaSqQkTtb5-yA/s320/gold+bars.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div><em><span style="font-size:85%;">When Tom has to go, it's Misson Possible!</span></em><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div><br />2. Ever wonder what comes out of Britney's turd-cutter? </div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbPefdo9ntoeG1yWIz0i41zP9xuvfv09fPwoVUr1TCc4J3g_4_yqoebwCx9LdC_4IPoGeKiEYg8sFhgPFjX4LT7sMndjFw9UPHYBm1-6VPDOxnc-lm8jkoKey-qF6UBF1FpeCWKA/s1600-h/diamonds.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5003980898397750034" style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; float: left;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbPefdo9ntoeG1yWIz0i41zP9xuvfv09fPwoVUr1TCc4J3g_4_yqoebwCx9LdC_4IPoGeKiEYg8sFhgPFjX4LT7sMndjFw9UPHYBm1-6VPDOxnc-lm8jkoKey-qF6UBF1FpeCWKA/s320/diamonds.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div><em><span style="font-size:85%;">Poops, she did it again!</span></em><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div><div></div><div><br /><br /></div><div><br /><br /></div><div><br />3. Take a whiff of Oprah's stink:<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaacy-jbY7rgABXDWGWzxV89xmf4zjkggkuK61D-iBYazaObOQ2aRYNx6bfsAnDMRNjV7ghXO2JNduUWnrPtGEOyaf3fuVBq7pmO7E1Agxgx0_PNfPC3-B_rv8M5pZd579-93olg/s1600-h/hundred+dollar+bills.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5003981688671732530" style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; float: left;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaacy-jbY7rgABXDWGWzxV89xmf4zjkggkuK61D-iBYazaObOQ2aRYNx6bfsAnDMRNjV7ghXO2JNduUWnrPtGEOyaf3fuVBq7pmO7E1Agxgx0_PNfPC3-B_rv8M5pZd579-93olg/s320/hundred+dollar+bills.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;">You go, girl! (To the bathroom, that is!)</span></em><br /><br /><br /><br /></div><div></div></div><div><div><br /></div><div></div><div><br />4. When Donald Trump takes a dump?<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAeCXgRginoBupFnw73-Ahh8-xypJodQJjNk6WBQtr6GMr9SLMX3_q3oUANoU0hfve6rJr5SCE7knZsg7_FBh5BRT9KFnT1DJGSOXlaBLA7p3Oo3LU6-qfC6iaICLR5dKYTYamUQ/s1600-h/trump+taj+mahal.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5003982307147023170" style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; float: left; width: 110px; height: 113px;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAeCXgRginoBupFnw73-Ahh8-xypJodQJjNk6WBQtr6GMr9SLMX3_q3oUANoU0hfve6rJr5SCE7knZsg7_FBh5BRT9KFnT1DJGSOXlaBLA7p3Oo3LU6-qfC6iaICLR5dKYTYamUQ/s320/trump+taj+mahal.jpg" border="0" height="151" width="218" /></a><br /><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;">As he would say, "It's Yuge!"</span></em><br /><br /></div><div></div><div><br /><br /><br /></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div> </div><div> </div><div><br />5. How about this dingleberry from pretty Miss Hilton:</div><div></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM_bnNnZJEqh7zzYJGLxrTAUnVOmE5VsmiYYF1IymyT6eVFp430IkHs65g7EcOcwfd3OYz3uOJgdVfmaiO02qSB5q0JNoKRWw6BsLDRSwL9DNfnbcSFDjzJDsF26VoW7MI21B6ww/s1600-h/nicole+richie.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5003984029428908882" style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; float: left; width: 101px; height: 159px;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM_bnNnZJEqh7zzYJGLxrTAUnVOmE5VsmiYYF1IymyT6eVFp430IkHs65g7EcOcwfd3OYz3uOJgdVfmaiO02qSB5q0JNoKRWw6BsLDRSwL9DNfnbcSFDjzJDsF26VoW7MI21B6ww/s320/nicole+richie.jpg" border="0" height="121" width="113" /></a><br /><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;">Hard to shake that one off!</span></em><br /></div><div></div><div><br /><br /><br /></div><div></div><div><br /><br /><br /><br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div><br />6. And, finally, here's a three-flusher from the talented arts-and-crafts expert, Martha Stewart:</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ljN8jLmrSUWQYwwJAXsc8HMnU6me3p8skq3EpgJyQwTmCzfVdg3n-9UuJ_hpH61NX-SPBkRuB9mf6bBgDh6soy9MnctLqz7YREvSxCoQ-Kfb0yzo-Zix69mhji9kCa-wJSyHPw/s1600-h/pimp+bling.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5004002493493314418" style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; float: left;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ljN8jLmrSUWQYwwJAXsc8HMnU6me3p8skq3EpgJyQwTmCzfVdg3n-9UuJ_hpH61NX-SPBkRuB9mf6bBgDh6soy9MnctLqz7YREvSxCoQ-Kfb0yzo-Zix69mhji9kCa-wJSyHPw/s320/pimp+bling.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div> </div><div> </div><div><em><span style="font-size:85%;">More like Farts and Craps, eh Martha?!</span></em></div><div><em><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></em> </div></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-15649709447126917302006-11-24T09:54:00.000-05:002006-11-24T10:28:46.766-05:00Pulled from the ShelvesRupert Murdoch and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">Harpercollins</span> publishers started an unfortunate trend this past week when they decided not to release O.J. Simpson's new book <em>If I Did It</em>. Publishing companies nation-wide are jumping on this new "moral" bandwagon and will be pulling the following newly released or nearly released titles from the shelves. There goes my Christmas list.<br /><br /><em>Let's Just Say We</em> Did <em>Actually Torture a Woman During the Recording of "Love Roller Coaster" -- Would That Be a Good Thing for Our Careers or A Bad Thing?,</em> by the Ohio Players<br /><br /><em>Wouldn't It Be Crazy if There Was No Justification for the War in Iraq?,</em> by George W. Bush (with help)<br /><br /><em>Girl, it is True (You are to Know This, Ya?): We Sing Our Own Songs (Why You Not Believe?)</em>, by Milli <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">Vanilli</span><br /><br /><em>What I Imagine Little Boys </em>Might <em>Taste Like</em>, by Michael Jackson<br /><br /><em>I Swear I Don't Have a Small Penis and a Low Self-Esteem, So Shut Up</em>, by Gene Simmons<br /><br /><em>An Extra "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">Dum</span>" in "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">Dum</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">Dum</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">Dum</span> Dada <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">Dum</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">Dum</span>": What Would "Ice Ice Baby" Sound Like if I Sampled David Bowie's Under Pressure?,</em> by Robert Van Winkle<br /><br /><em>How We Sold Our Souls to the Devil In Order to Be Famous (But Not At All Respected): A Work of Fiction</em>, by Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton<br /><br /><em>What If I Actually Didn't Pity the Fool?,</em> Mr. T<br /><br /><em>Seriously, Everyone: I Murdered My Ex-wife and Her Lover (Oops, Did I Just Say That Out Loud and In Print for Millions to Read?)</em>, by <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">Sojay</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">Impson</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1163898065487873212006-11-18T18:49:00.000-05:002006-11-18T20:01:06.626-05:00not the TRACK LISTING OF WILCO'S FORTHCOMING ALBUM1. we talked the dawn<br />2. drop in a bucket<br />3. smiles for miles<br />4. an angel in the needle<br />5. gunshot shove<br />6. almost in time<br />7. I won’t see you anymore<br />8. confederate messes<br />9. insensitivity<br />10. railroaded<br />11. don't ask me why<br />12. [hidden track: insensitivity (sensitive remix)]Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1163284578521696322006-11-11T19:15:00.000-05:002006-11-12T09:48:42.236-05:00Cultural Irony and/or Coincidence #5: The Anti-Human Movement of 1983This morning I was reading through my old diary from 1983 and I came across the following entry:<br /><br />"Last night we went to Chuck E. Cheese's becuase [sic] I got almost all A's on my report card. I got 3rd highest score on Ms. Pac-Man and David was being stupid about how he's better than me. Even so, I have grown tired of my humanity. What did Hamlet call it? 'This quintessence of dust'? Why am I not an eagle, an oak tree, the Western wind? Why a human? Anyway, I hope mom gets me a Garfield Trapper Keeper for my birthday."<br /><br />After some investigation, I've discovered that I was not alone in my existential panic. Turns out the year 1983 was ahead of its Orwellian time. In 1983, George Brett illegally put pine tar on his bat, McDonalds introduced the McNugget, M*A*S*H went off the air, and Tokyo Disneyland opened. How can any of this create any excitement about being human. Answer: it cannot.<br /><br />This same year, however, two short-lived television shows debuted, both reflecting the Anti-Human Movement of the time. On <em>Manimal</em>, "Dr. Jonathan Chase is a wealthy, young, and handsome man with the brightest of futures with a very dark past. From Africa’s deepest recesses, to the rarest peaks of Tibet, heir to his father’s legacy, and the world’s darkest mysteries is Jonathan Chase, master of the secrets that divide man from animal, animal from man, Manimal". In <em>Automan</em>, however, the crime fighter is not a man who becomes an animal, but a computer-generated man (Automatic Man...minus the "matic") who can exist both in reality <em>and</em> comptuer programs.<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/1600/manimal.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/320/manimal.jpg" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/1600/images.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/320/images.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />I urge you to revisit this dystopian era by watching the opening themes to both <em>Manimal</em> and <em>Automan</em>. (See posts below.) It will reaffirm the utter humanity that we are blessed with in 2006 and also rekindle your <em>Flash-Gordon</em>-crush on baby-face hottie Melody Anderson.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />(<em>Webster</em> and <em>The A-Team</em> also debuted in 1983...which gave us all hope.)<br /><br /><br /><a class="internal" title="Simon McCorkindale as Jonathon, the “Manimal,” and co-star, Melody Anderson, as Brooke Mackenzie." href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Manimal.jpg"></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1163289625556461222006-11-11T19:00:00.000-05:002006-11-11T19:00:25.560-05:00<b>Automan</b><br /><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://youtube.com/v/OQb1ZD9W8_c"></param><embed src="http://youtube.com/v/OQb1ZD9W8_c" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object><br>Automan Opening CreditsUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1163289495448118112006-11-11T18:58:00.000-05:002006-11-11T18:58:15.503-05:00<b>manimal</b><br /><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://youtube.com/v/nawyw-PmYDQ"></param><embed src="http://youtube.com/v/nawyw-PmYDQ" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object><br>Manimal Opening CreditsUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1162941438575950082006-11-07T18:17:00.000-05:002006-11-07T18:43:11.316-05:00Misheard Lyrics!Sometimes what we think we hear in songs is so off the mark that when we find out the REAL lyrics, we feel downright silly. Here are a few that have flummoxed me over the years:<br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">1.</span></strong><br /><br /><strong>Real Lyrics:</strong> "Pave paradise./ Put up a parking lot."<em> (From Joni Mitchell's "Big Yellow Taxi")<br /></em><br /><strong>Misheard Lyrics:</strong> "Shave paradise./ Puke up a barking snot."<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>2.</strong></span><br /><br /><strong>Real Lyrics:</strong> "Sail away with me to another world." <em>(From Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton's "Islands in the Stream")<br /></em><br /><strong>Misheard Lyrics:</strong> "Smell a way with me to a toilet bowl."<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>3.</strong></span><br /><br /><strong>Real Lyrics:</strong> "What else could I do?/ I'm so inspired by you./ That hasn't happened for the longest time." <em>(From Billy Joel's "The Longest Time")</em><br /><br /><strong>Misheard Lyrics:</strong> "What else could I poo? I'm so inspired by poo./ That hasn't happened for the longest weiner."<br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">4.</span></strong><br /><br /><strong>Real Lyrics:</strong> "Since you been gone./ I can breathe for the first time./ I'm so moving on, yeah yeah." <em>(from Kelly Clarkston's "Since U Been Gone")</em><br /><br /><strong>Misheard Lyrics:</strong> "Since poo poo poo./ I can poo for the poo poo./ I'm so having a bowel movement, ugh! ugh!"<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>5.</strong></span><br /><br /><strong>Real Lyrics:</strong> "She's got a ticket to ride and she don't care." <em>(From The Beatles' "Ticket to Ride")<br /></em><br /><strong>Misheard Lyrics:</strong> "She's got <em>the</em> ticket to ride and she don't care."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1162555054199636012006-11-03T06:43:00.000-05:002006-11-03T06:58:10.930-05:00Cultural Irony and/or Coincidence #4: Box-Office Bed Fellows<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/1600/borat%20movie%20poster.gif"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/320/borat%20movie%20poster.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/1600/snakes%20poster.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/320/snakes%20poster.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><a class="image" title="" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:SOAP_poster.jpg"></a><br /><br />Not enough has been written or posted on the Internet about the <em>Borat</em> movie (which opens today! click <a href="http://movies.aol.com/movie/borat-cultural-learnings-of-america-for-make-benefit-glorious-nation-of-kazakhstan/25645/main">here </a>for showtimes in your area!), so I thought I'd throw one more nugget into the mix. There was a report on Wednesday's Morning Edition on NPR that likened the concern for Borat's success in the box office to that of this past August's <em>Snakes on a Plane</em> (which also has not received its due <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snakes_on_a_Plane">'net attention</a>). What's the connection between these two films? Sadly, I think it's just money. Hype and money. Listen and/or see for yourself:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6413410">Hollywood Cautious Despite 'Borat' Buzz</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1162267175411155002006-10-30T22:49:00.000-05:002006-10-30T23:03:47.343-05:00Fangoria Murphy: Your New Favorite Band<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/1600/fangoria%20murphy.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/320/fangoria%20murphy.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />To celebrate the holiday, I urge you to get intimate with Fangoria Murphy, a band whose legend is overshadowed only by the fact that what they sing is true. Go <a href="http://hometown.aol.com/dashblankdash/page1.html">here </a>to read about them. And then go <a href="http://www.bandlookup.com/post/artist.php?aid=2129">here </a>to listen to some of their songs.<br /><br />Be warned: you may be risking the fate of your very soul!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1160917954220915812006-10-27T07:03:00.000-04:002006-10-27T07:14:32.526-04:00not the TRACK LISTING OF THE DECEMBERISTS' FORTHCOMING ALBUM1. ode to a wayward debutante<br />2. gossamer<br />3. lift me up, o my mountaineer <br />4. the town cryer<br />5. fisticuffs at the firehouse<br />6. courting miss penelope<br />7. vaudeville vagabond<br />8. dinghy lost at sea<br />9. well wisher<br />10. in my skivvies and dungarees<br />11. locust, mahogany, and fir<br />12. the triumphant return of colonel van rensselaerUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1161738740866666262006-10-24T21:08:00.000-04:002006-10-24T21:12:42.363-04:00Celebrity Palindrome...Nearly!<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/1600/images-9.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/320/images-9.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/1600/images-8.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/320/images-8.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1161637609342237222006-10-23T16:41:00.000-04:002006-10-23T18:49:00.963-04:00Cultural Irony and/or Coincidence #3: Party of FiveMatthew Fox and Scott Wolf played brothers Charlie and Bailey Salinger in the mid- to late-90s Fox drama, <em>Party of Five</em>. The mysterious connections don't end there:<br /><br />1. Now both play troubled doctors on back-to-back shows on ABC: Fox plays Jack Shepherd on <em>Lost</em> and Wolf plays Jeremy Kates on <em>The Nine</em>.<br />2. Whereas the character of Bailey Salinger became an alcoholic while dealing with the physical loss of his father on <em>Party of Five</em>, Jack Shepherd's father reverts to alcoholism on <em>Lost</em> to deal with the emotional loss of his son.<br />3. Both names are animals.<br />4. Fox is a fox who was once on Fox. Wolf shops at Wolf Camera and likes the song "Hungry Like the Wolf."<br />5. Fox went from a party to being lost, which is not a pleasant transition. Wolf went from 5 to 9, which is not the way to make a living.<br /><br />Also, Scott Wolf looks a lot like ET:<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/1600/swolf2.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/320/swolf2.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/1600/39.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/320/39.jpg" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1161169931278811532006-10-18T07:00:00.000-04:002006-10-22T19:01:45.916-04:00Flock of Sequels #1The most recent issue of <em>Entertainment Weekly</em> contains a feature on Hollywood's attempt to breathe life into some old movie franchises. While some seem mildly entertaining (<em>Bill and Ted's Disparate Career Paths</em>), most range from the obvious (<em>Conan the Statesman</em>) to the boring (<em>I Know What You Ate for Breakfast This Morning</em>), from the ill-fated and wrong (<em>Another American Tail: Fievel Does Dallas</em>) to the sad and pathetic (<em>Breakin' 3: Seriously, I Think I Broke Something</em>). But one long-forgotten franchise sparked my interest.<br /><br />This blub from imdb.com:<br /><br /><em><strong>Three Men and a Young, Nubile Hottie</strong></em><br /><br />Steve Guttenburg, Tom Selleck, and Ted Danson reprise their roles as Michael, Peter, and Jack (respectively) in this comedy of errors follow-up to 1990's <em>Three Men and a Little Lady</em>, which was a follow-up to 1987's <em>Three Men and a Baby</em>. Mary (Jessica Alba) is now a 20-year-old Environmental Ethics major at UC Berkley who has come "home" to her three fathers for career and life advice. Still confirmed bachelors, enough time has gone by for Michael, Peter, and Jack both to find a renewed interest in Mary they didn't have as they were raising her and also to forget which of them was her real father. The comedic and sexual tension reaches its height when Jack asks Mary, "Who's your daddy? No, seriously: who is it? Not me, I hope. Cause I want to tap that!" (Sadly, he is her real father.)<br /><br />Also reprising his role is the ghost of the little boy from the first film, who, because he is a ghost, still appears to be a little boy. His asides directed to the camera ("Here they go again!") add a <em>sass</em> the original two films clearly lacked.<br /><br />(<em>In production</em>.)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1160996730260565082006-10-16T18:59:00.000-04:002006-10-16T20:54:17.116-04:00Cultural Irony and/or Coincidence #2: Two J-Lo'sActress/pop star Jennifer Lopez (<em>Out of Sight</em>, "Jenny from the Block") wouldn't give me the time of day.<br />Anchorwoman Jennifer Lopez (<em>The Weather Channel</em>) gives me the temperature. <a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/1600/images-6.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" height="146" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/320/images-6.jpg" width="117" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/1600/images-7.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 103px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 143px" height="143" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3611/3527/320/images-7.jpg" width="89" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1160782296376681462006-10-15T13:55:00.000-04:002006-10-15T15:34:52.573-04:00Answers to Celebrity Voltron Logic ProblemsOn Thursday, October 12th, Hustla of Cultcha presented a challenge to its readers in the form of <a href="http://hustlaofcultcha.blogspot.com/2006/10/celebrity-voltron-logic-problems.html">"Celebrity Voltron Logic Problems"</a>. Phone lines are now closed and unless you postmarked your entries by October 14th, it is too late to submit. Thanks to those of you who gave it a shot; unfortunately, however, nobody got any of the problems correct. We were particularly amused by the entries from a young man in Studio City, California, so we'll be sending him a consolation prize. But enough blibbidy blab. Here's what you're waiting for: the answers!<br /><br />1. William H. Macy + Felicity Huffman = Puffy Face<br /><br />2. Ashton Kutcher + Demi Moore = Mashed Potatoes in the Kitchen<br /><br />3. Maury Povich + Connie Chung = Gus<br /><br />4. Paul Newman + Joanne Woodward = New Pan for a Wood Man<br /><br />5. Chris Martin (from Coldplay) + Gwyneth Paltrow = Chrisnethmartrow Play<br /><br />6. Tom Hanks + Rita Wilson = Tito Wanks<br /><br />7. Justin Timberlake + Cameron Diaz = Jammin' on that Timid AssUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1160857768140392462006-10-14T15:59:00.000-04:002006-10-14T16:29:53.423-04:00Movie pitch: Dom and DahmerOkay, so. Get this: a buddy picture, right? Rob Reiner directs. Kind of in the tradition of The Odd Couple--despite their differences, these two yadda yadda yadda. We get John Goodman to play Dom DeLuise in his prime--you know, the Cannonball Run days--except maybe not his prime, maybe he's starting to get pressure to lose weight, so he decides to leave the temptations of his Hollywood lifestyle to a simpler life in the midwest. Enter our cannibalistic serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer (Brad Pitt) who responds to Dom's ad in the local paper, and the two become roommates. The ironies ensue: for one, you've got a jealous Dom, constantly asking Dahmer what he eats to stay so fit but the thing is that Dahmer is eating people so he never allows Dom to see him eating lest he get suspicious. Then, on the other hand, Dahmer sees in Dom a friggin' Thanksgiving feast so he keeps trying to keep him from losing weight so that when the time is right he can eat him. You can see how these build tension, can't you? In one scene, we use that trick they use in the cartoons when the fat guy and the skinny guy are marooned on an island and the skinny guy looks like a hot dog to the fat guy and the fat guy looks like a hamburger to the skinny guy. Only in the movie, Dahmer looks like a hotdog to the hungry, dieting Dom DeLuise, but Dom looks like Dom with an apple in his mouth and some parsley to Dahmer -- y' know, cause he likes eating people, right? This all culminates in some kind of O. Henry ending where Dom decides that the easiest way for him to lose weight would be to let Dahmer eat some of him. But Dahmer has chopped off his neighbor's head (Morgan Fairchild) and would rather go bowling with it. It doesn't quite have the O. Henry zing to it just yet, but we're working on it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35775804.post-1160757435542658562006-10-13T12:31:00.000-04:002006-10-13T12:37:15.556-04:00not the TRACK LISTING OF THE BEASTIE BOYS' FORTHCOMING ALBUM1. one two one two<br />2. why you hate me?<br />3. yahtzee vs. scrabble<br />4. dynamic!<br />5. yeah, what?<br />6. war is wack<br />7. hold it while I kick it<br />8. three in ya face<br />9. rip rip rip it<br />10. peace of the pie<br />11. hello dalai (i'm willing tibet)<br />12. listen to the systemUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1