Movie pitch: Dom and Dahmer

Okay, so. Get this: a buddy picture, right? Rob Reiner directs. Kind of in the tradition of The Odd Couple--despite their differences, these two yadda yadda yadda. We get John Goodman to play Dom DeLuise in his prime--you know, the Cannonball Run days--except maybe not his prime, maybe he's starting to get pressure to lose weight, so he decides to leave the temptations of his Hollywood lifestyle to a simpler life in the midwest. Enter our cannibalistic serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer (Brad Pitt) who responds to Dom's ad in the local paper, and the two become roommates. The ironies ensue: for one, you've got a jealous Dom, constantly asking Dahmer what he eats to stay so fit but the thing is that Dahmer is eating people so he never allows Dom to see him eating lest he get suspicious. Then, on the other hand, Dahmer sees in Dom a friggin' Thanksgiving feast so he keeps trying to keep him from losing weight so that when the time is right he can eat him. You can see how these build tension, can't you? In one scene, we use that trick they use in the cartoons when the fat guy and the skinny guy are marooned on an island and the skinny guy looks like a hot dog to the fat guy and the fat guy looks like a hamburger to the skinny guy. Only in the movie, Dahmer looks like a hotdog to the hungry, dieting Dom DeLuise, but Dom looks like Dom with an apple in his mouth and some parsley to Dahmer -- y' know, cause he likes eating people, right? This all culminates in some kind of O. Henry ending where Dom decides that the easiest way for him to lose weight would be to let Dahmer eat some of him. But Dahmer has chopped off his neighbor's head (Morgan Fairchild) and would rather go bowling with it. It doesn't quite have the O. Henry zing to it just yet, but we're working on it.