Abraham Lincoln or Kathy Griffin?

1. But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
2. Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it.
3. Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
4. The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew. We must disenthrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country.
5. I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown.
6. I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men.
7. The probability that we may fall in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just; it shall not deter me
8. Leave nothing for tomorrow which can be done today.
9. I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.
10. Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.
11. Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.
12. Whenever I hear any one arguing for slavery I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
13. At what point shall we expect the approach of danger? By what means shall we fortify against it? Shall we expect some transatlantic military giant, to step the Ocean, and crush us at a blow? Never! All the armies of Europe, Asia and Africa combined, with all the treasure of the earth (our own excepted) in their military chest; with a Buonaparte for a commander, could not by force, take a drink from the Ohio, or make a track on the Blue Ridge, in a trial of a thousand years. At what point, then, is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, if it ever reach us it must spring up amongst us. It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide.
14. I can be 5 feet from Christina Aguilera, for example - we've worked together many times - and she will not even look at me.
15. I love dirt of all kinds. All dirt is clean. There's no such thing as filthy dirt.
16. I do road gigs occasionally but I don't want to go out on the road for months at a time.
17. A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure permanently half-slave and half-free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved - I do not expect the house to fall - but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other.
18. Whenever I get a new pair of pants, they have to be hemmed like two feet!
19. To state the question more directly, are all the laws, but one, to go unexecuted, and the government itself go to pieces, lest that one be violated? Even in such a case, would not the official oath be broken, if the government should be overthrown, when it was believed that disregarding the single law, would tend to preserve it? But it was not believed that this question was presented. It was not believed that any law was violated. The provision of the Constitution that 'The privilege of the writ of habeas corpus, shall not be suspended unless when, in cases of rebellion or invasion, the public safety may require it,' is equivalent to a provision---is a provision---that such privilege may be suspended when, in cases of rebellion, or invasion, the public safety does require it. It was decided that we have a case of rebellion, and that the public safety does require the qualified suspension of the privilege of the writ which was authorized to be made.
    
20. That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.